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seven black crows

Flap overhead
glint-eyed glance down
Caw:
It is not good for man to be alone-
too long with his thoughts

some voices are better left unheard
some calculations better left unfigured
some words, better left unsaid

are hanging in the silence between us
are written in the steam above our teacups
are meaningless, today and ever
are better left unsaid.

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Technicolor

brainfog
like London, the Bayou
twining low in hollers ‘twixt these hills of cortex
lights on, drive slow
all alone

go on, pour on the dope
pixels stream in robotic familiarity
click.
clickclick.
clickclickclickclick.

Sigh.

Forgettable spark, no afterglow
left cold as blue eyes in
airbrush-stiff faces.
PlasticFantastic,

hollow
like a man in the Capitol
behind the pulpit
on the screen

hollow like meth-scarred cheeks
like underpass eyes
a paper bag on the concrete-
on the wind

On a warm night// wander out to steel beams, wooden ties. don’t linger too long.
this train of thought derails Oh so easily

Too dark look away…

brainfog
cruise control just today
cardboard smile
billboard thoughts
job board heart: No openings.
Check back next week.

blind as Bartimaeus, but silent
Son of David? I doubt it.
picking a scab roadside while the throng passes by

What wakes sleepers? human voices and we drown*
a good death, a good riddance
Stumble from the tomb
gravecloths peeling, soaked in sweat

Hand on the door, shading reddened eyes
Blinking in a bright breeze

window open
spider webs alight – gold and velvet in morning air
sweet like honeysuckle.

brush the night away

work the bellows, drive out stale air
open the shutters, let in the day
Honest as soil
exhume those bones

Plea Bargain

Endless pain:

an adequate recompense for

Earthy sin?

 

Alone and all lost

aflame within and

a darkness without

hope

that this may not be

 

Just so.

 

May it never be so.

Oh, like a nightmare to fade

into real awakening

where my God, my God is not a monster

and His Children need not hide beneath

covers of communion bread.

Bioporosis

Fragile.
Life is fragile.
Sanity more so.
Trust even more.
and yet, hope.

…fallen and I can’t…

Hollow face and bruises, a wavering cry
“help me, please help me, please help me, please help me…”
echoes in my temporal lobe, splinters in my gray matter, a waterstained sepia from my mind’s eye
the desperate grip on my hand – the same in her eyes, pupils wide,
bruises flowering under the fragile, sagging skin of the senile woman, begging for her  medicine

more than a grandmother of 80, less than a child of 9

a dimunitive figure in a massive space, tiny in a cavernous trauma bay
Neglect behind, callous caring ahead
leaf on a river of fear and pain
Help me, please help me, please help me, please.

Mottled record

The dog, seeming dead, just across the fence, standing upright, still, mangled and grey.

Me, soft and curious, stepping closer, oddly unafraid,

unaccountably familiar. I reach out a hand

and the beast springs to life

jumping and wagging its tail with a bright eye

and a gangrenous gash where the other should be

 

Play biting, jumping, drooling, as a dog will do

manic and and very much too alive

 

Scratches appear on my arms from teeth wet with saliva

I begin to mind. But I don’t remember.

 

The guardian steps forward, pushes me aside

rifle to dog. No contest, no pride.

a grab to the scruff

a barrel down the throat, a pulled trigger, enough.

 

And I, falling backwards, ashamed and surprised

imagine the remonstrance in my rescuer’s eyes.

Aponihilis

Night falls and light fades

As the branches blow the colors blend to darker shades

And the leaves of the trees and the blades of the grass sing

Night is Falling, night is falling

 

all creatures must pass

on to their homes and shelter from the night,

burrows where their young are curled up tight.

Have you ever wandered, alone in the shade, pondering choices, memories made?

Regrets and rejoicing- thoughts flinging far.

While above and below, the rock and the star,

will never forget you – nor ever know who you are.

IV

In the night a strange thought wakes you from unremembered dreams

tickling your mind and tugging on your heartstrings

feeling fuzzy you awake-no sun as yet

you slip on a robe and slip from your room with a soft and stealthy step

you glide through empty spaces filled with memories

and pictures. The epics of daily life.

A floorboard creaks at your familiar tread.

You hush it and walk on.

a screen door swinging wide and slamming softly

you wander to your field where the sky reels above you

and a billion stars sing of a glory you can’t quite grasp-

dance to a song you can’t quite hear

but love nonetheless

so hold it close from far away

the darkness of the pines now surrounds you, and your breath makes a cloud beneath a cloudless sky

a sky stabbed by spires of evergreen stretching tall

as bare feet tread on the fallen needles

and you smile as chill breezes numb your face and you laugh

a quiet sound

alive and alone with the swishing pines and your thoughts

You love the quiet – not the darkness – the evil here surfaces too easily

and hiding beneath your covers won’t do.

Not under a cloudless sky in a clearing in the winter woods

so you greet the dark, a stiff smile

and keep your distance

make no contact with your bright eyes

and circle each other, beast and prey

the wind dies, the lights abandon

and now there is only you, alone with your fears

No stars, no moon to light your way

No shield, no sword, no covers to hide your head

No other soul around. It’s just you.

And your fears.

They creep close

Fade back

Feint toward your heart

And whisper the words you dread

That you are helpless

will Never be good enough

That you are a fraud.

And you are cold

No scream breaks the silence as you sink into the ground – arms over your head and you cannotbreathethedarknessholdssotight dark words and bright malicious smiles you know so well- Doubt and Loneliness and Fear- they will never leave you.

The Darkness gripping you leaps overboard into a frothing thrashing sea

Look up for an instant as your Shame grips your ankles and pulls

A light bursts above and you raise a hand

Oh pray for a lifeline as you sink below.

But no.

It is still.

Chill.

Silent.

BlueBlack

and

Bottomless

Shame releases with a chuckle,

And you are alone

Drifting…

Draining…

Fading…

You breathe.

You breathe- and open your eyes

And a bright face smiles above you, warm hand reaching out

Calloused, Strong.

A holed hand reaching out to hold your hand.

Your Savior lays you down in a lifeboat under a billion stars.

A thermos of something warms you from the inside out as you step ashore and He leads you back with a firm hand on a warm shoulder and you can’t look Him in the face.

But the sun is rising and He lifts your head

Deep eyes and reassurance- you are mine.

and He grins again and you

awake

Sit up in bed

and it is April and the tulips are in bloom

so you step out to greet the day with a laugh

for dawn is come.

Good morning

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